After Annie: A Novel

As the eldest Brown child, Ali is a dynamic character who undergoes intense changes over one year in the aftermath of losing her mother. Annie’s death forces Ali to transition abruptly from childhood to adulthood. Always a pragmatic and slightly anxious child, Ali becomes a motherly figure to her three younger brothers when her father becomes depressed and the household descends into chaos. Ali suppresses her grief and channels her remaining energy into cooking and cleaning while balancing the everyday rigors of life in middle school. Ali’s one solace is her best friend Jenny, but when Ali learns that Jenny is hiding a painful secret, her grief over her friend’s pain compounds her emotional burdens. Ali’s experience highlights the fact that the death of a mother can cause significant role changes for daughters, especially if the mother has been a primary caregiver or source of support. Thus, Ali finds herself in the uncomfortable position of enduring a process of parentification as she cares for other family members—including her father—and takes on adult responsibilities.

Ali feels uncomfortable whenever people assume that she is her mother’s replacement. The loss of Annie leaves Ali feeling adrift as she redefines her sense of self without her primary female role model. As the narrative states, “Ali wondered if this always happened, that when your mother died everyone felt obliged to tell you how much you looked like her” (135). Instead of focusing on Ali’s individuality and grief, people emphasize that Ali reminds them of Annie, denying her a voice and an identity in one fell swoop. Miss Cruz is the first person who truly listens to Ali and cares about how her mother’s loss affects her. Annie was Ali’s primary source of emotional support, guidance, and wisdom, and whenever Ali encounters a problem, she longs for her mother’s wise counsel. Miss Cruz doesn’t try to replace Ali’s mother; instead, she offers Ali a safe space to vent and grieve. As Ali’s 13th year of life inevitably heralds profound transition and growth, the loss of her mother makes her particularly vulnerable. Thus, her character highlights the importance of providing strong support systems for teenagers as they navigate the complex emotions surrounding such a profound and destabilizing loss.

Long before the events featured in the novel, Annemarie and Annie became best friends in elementary school. Inseparable through college, they experienced every major milestone together. However, after Annie met Bill, their shared life split into two paths. Ali’s birth and Annemarie’s substance use disorder created further distance between them. Although Annie’s choice to create a large family put distance between her and Annemarie, she remained committed to caring for her friend, even risking her career to save Annemarie from the ravages of her substance use disorder. Annie’s heroism became the narrative of Annemarie’s sobriety, and she now has a habit of beginning each NA meeting with the phrase, “My best friend saved me” (174). Though she is not technically family, Annemarie has known Annie longer than anyone other than her sister, and Annie’s loss hits Annemarie hard and sparks a relapse in her substance use disorder struggle.

Annemarie feels closest to Annie when she is in the car: their favorite place to be when they were teenagers. Moreover, each time she feels tempted to use substances, Annemarie hears Annie’s voice threatening to end their friendship if she relapses. However, these ghostly threats eventually lose their efficacy because Annie can no longer make good on her word. After a disastrous downward spiral that costs Annemarie her marriage and leaves her unexpectedly pregnant, she must reclaim a sober life without the support of Annie’s positive influence. Becoming a mother allows Annemarie to reevaluate her unfair judgment of Annie’s choice to forgo college and travel in order to raise a family. As the narrative states, “With Annie gone, [Annemarie] was somehow able to see her friend more clearly, more as she really was and less how Annemarie wanted or needed her to be” (236). Though Annie’s loss rips a hole in Annemarie’s heart, losing her best friend forces her to take responsibility for her choices.

Bill is Annie’s husband and the father of her four children. Bill’s internal monologue reveals that having a large family was never something he imagined, but being with Annie changed him. After a while, he could never imagine a life other than the one they built together. However, Annie’s death forces Bill into a new life he never wanted: that of a single dad. Bill has never had high self-esteem, particularly in his career path, and although women in town often flirt with him, he is frequently self-conscious about being a tradesman. Annie always made Bill feel wanted and loved, and she was proud of his work. However, the division of labor in the Brown household was far from equal, and Annie did everything for Bill, including working a full-time job. Unfortunately, Bill does not fully appreciate Annie’s extensive household management and support until she is gone. Moreover, losing his wife forces him to admit that he barely knows his children. Bill’s struggle conveys the raw emotions of the early days after loss and the enduring impact of losing a partner. In his emotional anguish, he feels as though “he was leaving pieces of himself wherever he went, in every room, like he was dismembered by loss” (83). Like each character in the story, much of Bill’s identity is wrapped up in his connection to Annie, and her death forces him to redefine who he is without her.

In the immediate aftermath of Annie’s death, Bill is overwhelmed with grief and struggles with daily executive functions such as eating and getting out of bed. He doesn’t withhold his emotions and cries frequently, even in front of the children. Gradually, however, Bill turns cold and emotionally withdraws from the children. Though Annie’s spirit is ever-present with him, he doesn’t speak of her, making the children think that he wants to erase her memory. Stoically hiding behind the demands of work, Bill neglects his family’s physical and emotional needs. Initially, Bill grapples with regret and unspoken truths as the things he never said or did for Annie increasingly haunt his thoughts. Bill’s silent suffering freezes him emotionally, and it isn’t until he begins therapy that he realizes the danger of hiding his feelings. When he begins dating his old high school girlfriend, Liz, just a few months after Annie’s death, his four children become convinced that he wants to forget Annie. However, although he finds the physical relationship with Liz gratifying, Bill cannot relinquish the past. He thinks, “The man in the chair was not him, not Annie Brown’s husband. He was still Annie Brown’s husband” (78). Ultimately, with the counselor’s help, Bill realizes he must carry the weight of single parenting and reengage with his children. Once he unshackles himself from Dora and Liz’s manipulative control and the specter of his past failings, Bill embraces his new life and the opportunity to be fully present for his children.