After I Do

Lauren spends the rest of the weekend with Rachel. When she returns home on Sunday, Ryan has moved out. She finds a note from him, in which he tells her not to call him, insisting that he needs time alone. He also wishes her a happy early birthday as they won’t be together on her 30th birthday. He agrees to contact her in two months when she gives him Thumper.

Lauren reads the note several times. She throws it out but retrieves it from the garbage, then puts it in her box of mementos. Then she finds a list that Ryan wrote her about her best qualities. Lying in the dark later, Lauren realizes that she isn’t sad, but she is afraid of being alone.

On Monday, Mila and Lauren discuss Lauren’s situation during their lunch break. Mila encourages Lauren to enjoy her independence, to dress how she chooses, and to redecorate the house. Mila admits that if her wife, Christina, were to leave, this is what she would do. That night, Lauren tries taking Mila’s advice, but her freedom doesn’t make her feel any better.

After finding out about the separation, Charlie calls Lauren to see how she’s doing. (Charlie learned about the separation when he called Ryan to tell him about the surprise party that Leslie is throwing for Lauren.) Lauren assures Charlie that she’s fine. She is also glad that he told her about the party, as she doesn’t like birthdays. However, she is happy that Charlie will be coming back from Chicago. Charlie also informs Lauren that Leslie is dating a new man named Bill, whom she is bringing to the party. They laugh about the situation before saying good night. That night, Lauren dreams that Ryan is at the party. She wakes up wondering if she has had a “premonition” (97).

Leslie calls Lauren and invites her and Ryan over for dinner on her birthday. Lauren accepts but explains that Ryan won’t be there. Leslie doesn’t ask questions and instead tells her about Bill, gushing about their relationship. Lauren tells Leslie how happy she is for her before hanging up. Afterward, she feels like a liar.

Lauren struggles through the next six weeks. She rarely leaves the house except for working and walking Thumper. She can’t stop thinking about Ryan and often wonders what he’s doing and feeling. She tries telling herself to be patient, but she still has 47 weeks until the separation is over.

Lauren and Rachel drive to Leslie’s place on Lauren’s birthday. On the way, Lauren remembers past birthdays with Ryan. At Leslie’s, Lauren is overwhelmed when everyone jumps out to surprise her. She starts crying over Ryan but pretends that she is crying because she’s happy.

Everyone asks Lauren where Ryan is, and Lauren repeatedly makes excuses. However, when her grandmother, Lois, asks about Ryan, Lauren asks for Lois’s opinion about love and marriage. As the night goes on, Lauren gets increasingly drunk. At the end of the night, Charlie and Rachel try to help Lauren when she starts vomiting. Worried, Leslie asks if Ryan will be home to take care of her. Lauren drunkenly reveals that she and Ryan are separated.

Lauren’s family takes her home and gets her settled. She wakes up with her siblings and mother by her side. Then Leslie confronts her about her marriage, and Lauren tells her everything. Leslie is understanding, given that her husband, Lauren’s father, left when Leslie was still pregnant with Charlie. Leslie says that she still loves Ryan but will support Lauren no matter what happens. Afterward, Lauren’s family leaves, making plans to meet for dinner.

Leslie cooks dinner for her children. Leslie is a bad cook, but no one complains. After dinner, Lauren and Rachel drive Charlie to the airport. On their way out, Lauren sees a man whom she thinks is Ryan kissing another woman. It isn’t him, but on the drive home, Lauren realizes that Ryan will soon be with someone else, and there’s nothing she can do about it.

Over the following days, Lauren can’t stop imagining Ryan with another woman. On Friday, she asks Mila if she thinks Ryan is with someone new. Mila tries reassuring her and reminds Lauren that she will survive this separation. She also suggests setting Lauren up on a blind date. Lauren is hesitant. A few days later, she decides to log into Ryan’s email to see what he’s up to, as he hasn’t changed his password. There is nothing in his inbox, but she finds seven unsent drafts that are all addressed to her.

In Ryan’s email drafts, he tells Lauren how miserable he is without her. He also discusses his feelings about dating. He initially thought that they should see other people, but now he isn’t sure. He admits that he doesn’t think Lauren ever listened to him or really saw him. In another email, he reflects on the start of their relationship and admits how much he wanted to make her happy. In another email, he recalls the last time they had sex. Then he writes her a birthday email and admits that he wanted to come and see her at the party. In the last two drafts, he asks about Thumper and suggests that Lauren keep him. Lauren cries as she reads the drafts. She realizes that Ryan still loves her, and she wishes that she could talk to him.

Lauren asks Mila if reading Ryan’s emails is bad. Mila is understanding and suggests that Lauren draft emails to Ryan so that Ryan can read her drafts if he wants to.

Lauren finds another draft in Ryan’s email. The letter is angry, and he admits that their bad sex life was what upset him most. Lauren feels annoyed after reading the draft because their sex together was always one-sided. She then drafts him an email, listing all of the things that frustrated her about their relationship. She considers deleting it but saves it instead. Then she receives an actual email from Ryan, who tells her to keep Thumper. Moments later, she finds a new draft in which Ryan says that he has met someone else. Lauren makes a defeated sound, prints out the draft, and puts it in her memento box.

Ryan stops drafting emails to Lauren. The holidays pass, and Lauren starts to feel better. She stops sulking and starts spending more time with Rachel. She takes up running, too and eventually stops checking Ryan’s email altogether.