Being Mortal: Illness, Medicine and what Matters in the End

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

1. Gawande argues that modern medicine often views acknowledging mortality as a failure. Have you ever experienced a situation where discussing death felt taboo or difficult? How did that impact the decisions made in that moment? 

2. The book presents two kinds of courage: the courage to face mortality and the courage to act on that knowledge. Can you think of a time when you or someone you know had to summon one or both of these types of courage? How did it shape the experience? 

3. Gawande discusses the tension between physical health and mental well-being, particularly in elder care. Have you ever had to balance these concerns for yourself or a loved one? What factors influenced your decisions? 

4. The book highlights the importance of autonomy for aging individuals, even when it involves taking small risks. How do you feel about the balance between safety and independence for elderly family members or yourself? 

5. Gawande describes how families often make care decisions based on their own perspectives rather than the actual needs and desires of their elders. How can families approach these decisions more thoughtfully and with greater empathy? 

6. Have you ever witnessed or been part of a medical decision that prioritized prolonging life over quality of life? Looking back, do you think it was the right choice? Why or why not?

Examine the book’s relevance to societal issues, historical events, or cultural themes.

1. Gawande contrasts the end-of-life experiences of his grandfather in India—who remained active and surrounded by family—with the more medicalized approach common in the US. How do different cultural perspectives on aging and mortality shape the way societies care for their elders? 

2. The book critiques how modern healthcare systems prioritize extending life over ensuring quality of life. How do you think societal expectations and medical advancements have influenced the way we approach death and dying today? 

3. Assisted living models like those pioneered by Bill Thomas and Keren Brown Wilson emphasize autonomy and personal fulfillment over rigid medical supervision. Do you think these models could—or should—become the standard in elder care? What barriers might prevent their widespread adoption?

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and symbolism.

1. Gawande alternates between medical research, patient case studies, and personal reflections throughout Being Mortal. How does this blend of perspectives shape the reader’s understanding of end-of-life care? Do you think this structure is effective? 

2. The book presents many end-of-life experiences, from Gawande’s grandfather to his father, and from Alice Hobson to Jewel Douglas. How do these varied narratives contribute to Gawande’s overall argument about mortality and autonomy? 

3. Pets and food are two seemingly simple yet deeply symbolic elements in Being Mortal. How do these aspects of daily life reflect the broader themes of autonomy and quality of life in old age? 

4. Bill Thomas and Keren Brown Wilson introduce radical shifts in elder care, such as introducing pets and creating environments that prioritize personal choice. How does their work challenge traditional ideas of nursing home care, and what does this reveal about the tension between safety and autonomy? 

5. Throughout the book, Gawande reflects on moments when he failed to have honest conversations about death, as well as when he succeeded. How does this self-reflection contribute to the book’s impact? Does it make his arguments about mortality and courage more persuasive?