Beyond Magenta: Transgender and Nonbinary Teens Speak Out

Nat is an AFAB intersex person, someone born with both male and female sexual and reproductive anatomy. They use they/them pronouns. They are a second-generation Chilean immigrant from New York City, though their heritage is mostly European. Their family is Roman Catholic—with Nat’s parents’ marriage being one of convenience as they despise each other. Nat believes their younger brother is straight because of his anti-gay bias.

In early childhood, Nat was solitary. They didn’t learn to speak until they were about seven years old and had little to no awareness of gender roles. As they grew up, Nat would be yelled at and sometimes struck for acting outside of traditional femininity.

Nat’s speech problem led to their enrollment in a special education class in elementary school. They also had a urinary problem that lasted until fifth grade. They attribute this to being confused as to which bathroom to use at school: “All the bathrooms looked the same to me. So I was, like, ‘You know what? I’m not going to any bathroom because that’s too confusing’” (159). In the third grade, Nat was moved to a typical classroom.

As a teenager, Nat felt alienated by other girls and their social habits. Despite being confident in their intelligence, Nat’s speech problem continued to make it difficult to relate to others. While Nat’s peers began to explore their sexualities, they were left even more isolated. Nat also began to develop significant body image issues: They wore a sweater in all weather and avoided looking in mirrors. Nat eventually developed a small friend group made up of a tomboyish girl and three nerdy boys.

Nat attended LaGuardia High School, a competitive school that specializes in art, music, and performance. There, they tried to embrace femininity to please their mother (despite their pubescence being unlike that of other girls and unlike male puberty), but this was short-lived. Regardless, the students were not especially accepting, despite the school being oriented around the arts—Nat attributes this rejection to the competitive atmosphere, which they feel fostered bullying.

Nat experienced their first period late in high school, far later than was typical, and it was rare and irregular. Nat was also still struggling with their weight. Their mother took them to see a series of endocrinologists; the five doctors and a battery of tests confirmed that Nat was intersex. Nat found the revelation to be a relief. However, their mother did not, and when Nat tried to live as a “third sex” person at school, their peers dismissed them.

One day, a female friend of Nat’s kissed them. Nat wasn’t interested, and the kiss went nowhere. However, this friend told her ex-boyfriend, who shared the gossip in a chat room; Nat’s brother found out and went straight to Nat’s parents. When Nat begged their supposed friends to lie for them, the friends refused; Nat’s mother forced Nat to stand in silence as each friend came to relate the story, a total of 11 witnesses. The punishments that followed left Nat utterly alone. Nat fell into a depression and began harming themself. Child Services was called on their family by their brother’s therapist, though the visits did little to help; Nat’s relationship with their brother deteriorated to the point they didn’t talk. In junior year, Nat attempted suicide twice.

As a result of their suicide attempts, Nat was hospitalized. At the hospital, the many doctors who visited all disagreed about their diagnoses. Nonetheless, Nat enjoyed their stay, as it meant freedom from their parents and community and even led to a few friends. After a month, Nat left the hospital, only for their mental health to crash worse than before. On their next hospitalization, they were diagnosed with gender dysphoria (a clash between one’s emotional and psychological gender identity and their assigned sex as birth) and started taking testosterone.

After graduating from high school, Nat enrolled in the CUNY (City University of New York) system. After a physical altercation with their increasingly anti-gay brother, Nat moved out of their childhood home and into an apartment in Queens. They keep limited contact with their mother but do not speak to their brother or father.