Dream Count

The narrative shifts into Chia’s memories of Darnell. The two met at Chia’s friend LaShawn’s party. Chia was immediately taken with him and thrilled when he asked for her number. In retrospect, she realizes how often she lied to him to make him believe she was “the person he wanted [her] to be” (15). All Chia has ever wanted is to be loved and understood. She thought she might find this with Darnell. However, Darnell was distant and withholding. He often ignored her texts or disappeared into his work for long periods. He was studying in the university archives and she was working on a novel, but she didn’t think these were excuses for his distance. Once, she tried to confront him about this, but he made fun of her, calling her simple, too American, and hormonal.

Finally one day, Chia decided to give up on her novel and become a travel writer instead. She comes from money, and her father filled her account to cover her expenses. She went from city to city, writing articles about each place. Darnell often insulted her work and accused her of being elitist. Once he even remarked that her wealthy Igbo family probably enslaved his ancestors.

Chia struggled to get along with Darnell’s friends, too. They were also intellectuals, and she felt incapable of saying the right thing around them. Darnell never defended her when they insulted her heritage, money, or work either.

Meanwhile, Chia began to establish herself as a travel writer. She was thrilled when her Copenhagen piece was accepted by Out Wonder. She invited Darnell to accompany her to Denmark, and he reluctantly agreed. Throughout the trip, he was ornery and rude. When they returned, Chia called Zikora to discuss how lonely she felt with Darnell. However, Zikora burst into tears as soon as she answered the phone. (She was depressed because at 31 she didn’t have a husband or children.) Chia said nothing about Darnell.

Chia’s parents came to visit. She invited Darnell to meet them at the house her father had bought her in Maryland. Darnell declined. Although disappointed, Chia enjoyed her time with her parents. After they left, Darnell visited. Chia was desperate for him to like Kadi, but he sneered at the idea of keeping a housekeeper. That evening, Chia found messages from another woman on Darnell’s phone. He left Maryland the next day and ignored her calls and texts for days. Kadi warned her about Darnell, and Omelogor suggested she call him until he answered. Chia dismissed their advice and took Darnell back when he began contacting her again.

One night, Chia invited Zikora and Omelogor over for dinner. Omelogor and Darnell got into an argument about religion and race. Chia wished Omelogor wouldn’t talk about Nigerian customs and beliefs, because Darnell didn’t understand. Finally, Omelogor shared a story about the trauma her grandfather and uncle suffered during the transatlantic slave trade. Everyone was stunned. Later that night, Omelogor again warned Chia about Darnell, insisting she deserved someone better, like her first love Nnamdi who died in an accident at 17.

Darnell got a fellowship in Paris and invited Chia to join him. She agreed, although in retrospect it was a mistake. They broke up shortly thereafter because Chia embarrassed Darnell by ordering a mimosa at a posh restaurant. Afterward, Chia messaged Omelogor and returned to the United States.

Chia spends Christmas in Nigeria. In January, while Chia packs for her return to the United States, her Aunty Jane comes to visit. She badgers Chia about not having kids, insisting she should start IVF immediately. Chia insists she’s still looking for a husband—she wants to be in love before having kids. In the days following, Chia continues meditating on her past relationships.

Sometime after Darnell, Chia dated Chuka, a man an acquaintance introduced her to. He informed her he wanted a serious relationship from the start; Chia was hopeful. Chuka was a good man—Nigerian, mature, responsible, and caring. He also liked her friends, particularly Omelogor. Chuka loved reading Omelogor’s For Men Only blog, where Omelogor responded to men’s questions about women and relationships.

Chia cared for Chuka, and over time she wondered if she could marry him. She was especially hopeful when she gained the approval of his best friends Enyinnay and Ifeyinwa. However, she sometimes wondered if he fully understood her. Then one day, she spoke with a publisher about writing a travel book. The publisher wanted her to write about the Congo rather than traveling the world. Chia burst out crying afterward and called Chuka. She admitted how disappointed she was, and Chuka encouraged her. His words made her realize he did see and know her. However, when Chuka began planning their wedding shortly thereafter, Chia informed him she wasn’t ready. Hurt, he ended the relationship. Chuka’s friends chastised Chia for not appreciating Chuka’s love.

Chia continues reflecting on her relationships. Before Chuka, Chia was with the Englishman. They met at a café in London. He was also a travel writer and they connected easily. They began to see each other often, but Chia became frustrated that they never touched or kissed. She was sure she was falling in love with him and tried to accept that he wanted to take things slowly. Then one day, she went to kiss him at the train station and he pulled away, revealing he was married. In retrospect, Chia knows she should have held him accountable and walked away right then. Instead, she agreed to go to a café and discuss their situation. They continued seeing each other in secret over the following months. (They were now having sex, and the Englishman would visit her in London when he wasn’t home with his wife.) He started promising to end his marriage but never did. He finally told Chia he couldn’t leave his wife because she had no one else.

Chia is overwhelmed by her memories. She longs for the life and loves she could have had.