El Deafo

“Just because I can’t hear good, doesn’t mean I can’t look good.” 

Young Cece loves style and wears a bathing suit everywhere she goes. She struggles to feel beautiful after receiving her hearing aids, however, because they have cords that dangle down from her ears. She feels different than other children, and thus unattractive. This is only the beginning of her struggle to find a place for herself in the world as a young girl with a disability. 

“An amazing thing happens inside the booth: I hear a beep! It’s the first sound I’ve heard since the hospital.” 

In this passage, Cece visits the audiologist and is fitted for hearing aids. This moment, in which Cece finally hears something, is miraculous and speaks to the alienation and isolation she feels because of her deafness. Since becoming deaf, she has been isolated from the outside world. With the fitting of her hearing aids, she can finally reconnect, though she continues to struggle with feeling alienated because she looks and behaves differently than other children as a result of her disability. 

“And now? Now, we look a lot different, and in a way that does matter. At least to me.” 

In this passage, Cece notices how her hearing loss is changing her friendship with Emma. She now notices the differences between her and Emma, in ways that she never did before; things like differences in height and eye color don’t have the same power as disability versus ability. Cece feels alienated from her friend as a result of this recognition of difference. 

“Most of the time we are lost, drifting along on our own planets. But we are together in the same universe, at least.” 

Cece feels more connected to the other deaf students in her first classroom. She acknowledges that she struggles to connect with these students as they float in their own isolated worlds. Despite this, she shares an affinity that comes from knowing that these children understand her experience. Even though they can’t hear each other, they have a shared bond. 

“I can’t explain, but it’s not the radio situation that is making me feel so lonely in this new place. It’s a feeling that lasts all summer long.” 

After moving to a new neighborhood, Cece struggles to make friends. The children in the neighborhood listen to the radio for fun, which Cece can’t understand. Her loneliness goes beyond the radio though—Cece feels distinctly different from these other children, who don’t understand her disability. 

“Superheroes might be awesome, but they are also different. And being different feels a lot like being alone.” 

This passage speaks to Cece’s experience of finding agency in her super hearing, thanks to the Phonic Ear. Though she has found this agency, she still feels a profound sense of isolation because no one else understands her experience. Though she has the incredible ability to hear through walls, she has no one to share it with. 

“Wherever I am, it feels like I’m always inside my bubble.” 

Cece depicts deaf children as existing in their own bubbles. In a population of able-bodied children, Cece feels like she is the only one in this bubble of isolation. She struggles to connect with other children and envies that they don’t struggle in the same way. 

“It’s nice that Laura doesn’t seem to notice or care about the hearing aid…but a familiar feeling has returned…I am lonely.” 

Cece struggles with friendship for much of the book, and Laura is her most challenging friend. Laura doesn’t make Cece feel bad because of her disability, but she does make Cece feel bad in other ways. This forces Cece to learn that being a good friend isn’t just about accepting Cece’s hearing aids—she also wants friends who are kind, funny, and share her interests. 

“I guess I watch TV because the folks on it are there for me whenever I want them—and they don’t care if I can hear them or not!” 

Cece reflects on the experience of watching TV, despite not understanding many of the words. She likes soap operas because she can easily read the character’s lips, but she doesn’t enjoy the dramatized plots. She appreciates TV because people on TV don’t make her feel lonely or alienated. They are dependable, and she can connect with them in ways that she struggles to connect with people in the real world. 

“And as far as ‘helping’—it’ll help people stare at me is what it’ll do! ‘Look at that deaf girl! Isn’t she special?’” 

Cece becomes resentful at her mother in this passage for dragging her to a sign language course. Her mother and her fellow classmates mean well, but Cece sees sign language as an even more obvious indicator that she can’t hear. While other students enjoy the language because they don’t need it, Cece feels as if sign language is a marker of her difference. 

“What am I gonna do without her?” 

Cece grieves the loss of her friendship with Martha in this chapter. Cece loves Martha and is devastated when she loses this precious connection with someone who understands her. 

“The first day back at school is always difficult. I must walk past everyone’s desk to give my new teacher the microphone. If there’s one thing I hate, it’s showing the microphone to a teacher for the first time.” 

Though Cece is used to the Phonic Ear and relies on it to do well in school, she still feels alienated and strange when she must share her technology with her teachers for the first time. Cece feels ashamed of her disability in these moments and wants to fit in with the other children. 

“Four to six weeks without my superpowers? I don’t know what I’m gonna do, either—but it ain’t gonna be pretty.” 

Though Cece began the book resentful of her Phonic Ear, now she feels lost without it. She realizes when the Phonic Ear breaks that it is her tie to the outside world—rather than being an object to resent, it is her lifeline. 

“When I wake up the next morning, I don’t have the usual sinking feeling that I’ve had every day since the Phonic Ear broke. Instead, I’m excited!” 

After Cece receives a curly pencil from her father, she is excited to go to school. After weeks of feeling isolated and alone because of the loss of her Phonic Ear, she finally has a way to build relationships and connect with other children. The curly pencil, though minor in many ways, offers her the social capital to bond with other students. 

“Should I feel happiness because Mike Miller really is nice and might actually care about me? Or shame, because Mike Miller witnessed the whole thing?” 

This debate, which Cece has with herself after Mike sees her cry over a broken pencil, speaks to her larger struggle between acceptance and shame. Cece feels a lot of shame for her deficits, and even when other people try to connect with her, she feels that shame acutely. In this passage, she is too distracted by her embarrassment to enjoy Mike’s kindness. 

“He just feels sorry for me and my crybaby deaf kid self.” 

Cece rejects Mike’s kindness as anything other than pity. This moment is particularly painful because Cece talks so cruelly to herself. She feels the judgment of others and projects it inward. This self-hate makes it impossible for her to accept the kindness and appreciation of others. 

“Mike sure looks embarrassed. I wish I could talk to him and make him feel better.”

Cece shows her love and growth as a character in this moment, when she struggles to reach out and comfort Mike in a moment of difficulty. Though Cece fears rejection and doesn’t often reach out to others, this moment shows her desire to be different and her emotional growth. 

“Oh my precious! How could I have ever been ashamed of you? Life has been a mess without you…” 

Cece speaks to her Phonic Ear, after many weeks apart. After living without her hearing aids, she realizes that they are her lifeline to the world, not a burden. She vows to embrace the Phonic Ear, rather than feel shame over it. 

“I might be the one with the superpowers but guess what? You don’t need superpowers to speak!” 

El Deafo speaks to Cece in this moment. She encourages her to find her voice, which isn’t a superpower after all—it is well within Cece’s reach. El Deafo’s encouragement allows Cece to find a community in her classroom and to befriend Mike after many years of gawking from afar. 

“Sounds like trouble. And I sure don’t want to be a rotten spot on Mrs. Sinklemann’s apple. But for Mike Miller, I’d do almost anything.” 

Cece is nervous about becoming part of a troublesome plot, but her desire to be accepted outweighs her fear of being a bad student. Cece has struggled for her entire life to be included, and this moment, when Mike embraces her disability, is one that she cherishes. 

“Your hearing aid and that microphone! They’re so cool!...Cool?! But does he think I’m cool, too?” 

Mike says this to Cece, and she reflects on whether he finds her technology cool, or her whole personality. This is a moment when Cece realizes that she is pigeonholed by her disability. She worries that it is only this part of herself that others find interesting. 

“Will I be a hero or will I be humiliated?” 

This thought, which Cece has as she grapples with her newfound responsibility as lookout for the class during quiet math, is central to the book’s themes. Cece fears humiliation and desires to be a hero. This moment, when she steps out of her comfort zone, offers her the possibility of both—she may be humiliated, her worst fear, but she may also achieve greatness. 

“For so long, I wished that I could hear like they do. But I have something they don’t have—superpowers! And it’s actually fun to share them like this.” 

Cece finally realizes that her disability does make her different, but it doesn’t make her worse. Her unique experience and the technology that comes with it have helped her stand out and find space for herself in her class. She can share this experience with others, and it isn’t alienating.