If He Had Been with Me

Encourage readers to connect the book’s themes and characters with their personal experiences.

1. Autumn wears tiaras as a symbol of independence and rebellion. What objects or clothing have you used to express your identity or independence? How did others react?

2. The novel explores how memories can be subjective, particularly through Autumn and Finny’s different recollections of past events. Can you recall a time when you and someone else remembered the same event differently? How did this affect your relationship?

3. Autumn experiences depression while witnessing her mother’s similar battles. How do you think mental health conditions affect family dynamics and individual identity development?

4. The story highlights the complex nature of childhood friendships evolving into romantic relationships. Have you ever had a platonic relationship evolve into something more? How did you navigate that change?

5. Like Autumn, many characters face pressure to make practical career choices rather than follow their passions. How have you balanced practical considerations with personal dreams?

Examine the book’s relevance to broader societal issues, cultural trends, and ethical dilemmas.

1. How does the novel address societal expectations regarding teenage relationships, particularly in terms of intimacy and long-term commitment?

2. The book explores mental health stigma and treatment through both Autumn’s and her mother’s experiences. How has society’s approach to discussing mental health, particularly in teens, evolved since the book’s publication?

3. What does the novel suggest about the role of absent fathers and their impact on their children’s development and relationships?

Dive into the book’s structure, characters, themes, and use of narrative techniques.

1. How does Nowlin use the contrast between Jamie and Finny to develop both characters and illuminate Autumn’s growth?

2. Consider the significance of the neighboring houses throughout the novel. How does this physical proximity affect the emotional landscape of the story?

3. The novel addresses multiple forms of grief. How do different characters process and express their losses?

4. How does Autumn’s writing serve as both a plot device and a metaphor for her emotional development?

5. Consider the role of foreshadowing in the novel. How does Nowlin build tension despite revealing Finny’s fate at the beginning?