Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me

“The hardest part of all this, aside from the astounding fact that being dumped feels like food poisoning, is that I’m always losing a person who was just there. Like she’s gone, but she’s not gone. I can still smell her deodorant on my sheets…I can still text her.”

Freddy employs a simile to compare the feeling of being dumped to food poisoning, emphasizing the physical and emotional discomfort she experiences. The sensory language, such as the lingering scent of Laura’s deodorant on Freddy’s sheets, underscores the intimacy of their relationship and the difficulty of letting go. Freddy’s observation that Laura is “gone, but she’s not gone,” highlights the ambiguous nature of modern breakups, where technology allows for continued communication and connection, even after the relationship has ended. This quote touches on the difficulty of Breaking Toxic Relationship Cycles as Freddy grapples with the constant reminders of Laura’s presence.

“Sorry. I forget sometimes that you’re supposed to talk to people you don’t know differently than the people you know. You know?”

This quote showcases Vi’s character and serves as a contrast to Laura’s behavior. Vi’s transparency and direct communication style, even to the point of oversharing with strangers, positions her as a foil to Laura’s evasive and manipulative nature. Vi’s honesty and lack of pretense in her interactions with Freddy highlight the importance of genuine communication in relationships, a quality that is notably absent in Freddy’s dynamic with Laura. This quote also hints at the potential for Vi to play a significant role in Freddy’s personal growth and understanding of healthy relationships.

“From the moment she touched me, it was like—like I felt it everywhere…Just, it was like a thousand heart attacks all over me.”

Freddy’s use of simile in this quote, comparing the sensation of Laura’s touch to “a thousand heart attacks,” suggests the intense and overwhelming nature of her feelings for Laura. However, the comparison to heart attacks also implies that this relationship is potentially dangerous and detrimental to Freddy’s well-being, evoking a sense of anxiety and unhealthiness. The fact that Freddy felt this intense reaction “from the moment” Laura touched her indicates that their relationship was founded on feelings of adrenaline, uncertainty, and potentially toxic dynamics from the very beginning.

“‘I’m going to ask you to a movie.’

‘Oh yeah?’

‘That’s right. And you’re going to say yes. Know why?’

‘Why?’

‘Because I’m irresistible.’”

This exchange between Laura and Freddy reveals Laura’s cocky and assertive personality. Instead of asking Freddy on a date, Laura tells Freddy what she is going to do, asserting her power and control in the relationship from the outset. This somewhat coercive and nonconsensual approach to initiating their relationship sets the stage for the unhealthy dynamics that follow. Laura’s declaration that she is “irresistible” and her presumption that Freddy will agree to the date create an artificial sense of fate and inevitability, masking what is actually manipulation and egotism on Laura’s part. This quote highlights the imbalance of power in their relationship and foreshadows the challenges Freddy will face in Discovering Agency and Self-Responsibility.

“Well, you appear to be stuck in some non-monogamous swing-your-partner wormhole.”

The Seek-Her’s use of metaphor in this quote directly links the motif of dancing—specifically square dancing—to the toxic cycle Freddy is trapped in. By comparing Freddy’s situation to a “non-monogamous swing-your-partner wormhole,” the Seek-Her emphasizes the repetitive and disorienting nature of Freddy’s relationship with Laura. The term “wormhole” suggests a distortion of time and space, reflecting how Freddy’s emotional entanglement with Laura has consumed and warped her sense of reality. This quote effectively conveys the depth of Freddy’s struggle and the necessity of Breaking Toxic Relationship Cycles.

“You have to get out of it. You’ve got to leave the circle. Or square, as it were.”

In this quote, the Seek-Her explicitly states one of the central motifs of the book, reinforcing the idea that Freddy must break out of the toxic cycle she is trapped in with Laura. By using the imagery of a circle or square, the Seek-Her draws a direct parallel to the square dancing motif, emphasizing how the dance serves as a metaphor for Freddy’s unhealthy relationship dynamics. The Seek-Her’s direct advice to Freddy underscores the urgency and importance of Freddy taking action to reclaim her agency and extricate herself from the damaging pattern of her relationship with Laura. This quote serves as a pivotal moment in Freddy’s journey, providing her with the clarity and guidance she needs to begin the process of self-empowerment and healing.

“Every once in a while, I get this thought, like a thread I can feel on my skin. The thought is that I’m just willing what I’m feeling to be true. I’m willing myself to believe this is real.”

In this quote, Freddy expresses her doubts about the authenticity of her feelings for Laura Dean. The metaphor of a thread on her skin suggests a nagging, persistent sensation that she cannot ignore. Freddy questions whether she is simply convincing herself that her emotions are genuine, hinting at a deeper insecurity about the relationship. In the graphic novel, this quote is accompanied by a full-page image of Freddy’s bedroom floor, strewn with personal items, which reinforces the idea of introspection and self-reflection. The scattered objects, including books, toys, and a discarded bra, symbolize the various aspects of Freddy’s life and identity that she is grappling with as she navigates her relationship with Laura.

“‘Hey, is it true Doodle doesn’t have a cell phone?’

‘Doodle thinks they’re radioactive.’

‘Riiiight.’

‘God, all week, I kept thinking I was about to talk to you and we weren’t talking. It was so stupid.’

This exchange between Laura and Freddy highlights the contrast between Doodle’s and Laura’s attitudes toward communication and technology. Doodle’s supposed aversion to cell phones associates her with a more traditional, face-to-face approach to relationships. In contrast, Laura’s comment about constantly thinking she was about to talk to Freddy, despite their lack of communication, emphasizes the role of technology in modern relationships. The juxtaposition of these lines evokes the theme of how technology affects communication and relationships throughout the book. As Freddy and Doodle grow apart, Doodle is shown using a phone to text an unknown person, while Freddy’s preoccupation with Laura’s texts strains her friendship with Doodle. This highlights the differences in how Doodle and Laura approach communication and relationships.

“‘Do you want to do something after school tomorrow?’

All I can think is, please let it be true. Please let this be…

‘Maybe.’”

In this exchange, Freddy’s hopeful invitation to spend time with Laura is met with a noncommittal response. A caption box reveals Freddy’s inner thoughts—she desperately wanting the relationship to be real and meaningful. The ellipsis at the end of her thought suggests a sense of uncertainty and longing, as she yearns for Laura’s affection and commitment. Laura’s ambiguous “Maybe” underscores the power imbalance in their relationship, with Freddy investing more emotionally than Laura.

“On a side note, I think I know why the words ‘love’ and ‘punch’ go together so often. Because, seriously, it’s like a punch.”

Freddy’s observation about the connection between the words “love” and “punch” serves as a metaphor for the intense, and often painful, nature of romantic relationships. By likening love to a punch, Freddy acknowledges the emotional impact of her relationship with Laura, which she finds to be both exhilarating and devastating. This comparison hints at the underlying dysfunction in their relationship and foreshadows the challenges Freddy will face as she navigates her feelings for Laura.

“‘Do you ever wonder why it is that eighteen is the age of consent?’

‘Not really. Do you?’

‘Yeah, I mean, age is subjective. You can be a really mature sixteen-year-old or a really immature twenty-year-old…Like, what IS eighteen?’”

This conversation between Doodle and Freddy introduces the theme of age and maturity in relationships. Doodle’s questioning of the age of consent and her assertion that age is subjective highlights the book’s exploration of the transition between adolescence and adulthood. This exchange foreshadows the challenges both characters will face. Doodle’s seemingly random interest in the age of consent also serves as a hint—a hint that Freddy misses—that Doodle has become involved with an adult man.

“‘Do you…want me to stay the night?’

‘Sure! I think everyone’s going to stay.’

‘…Cool.’

‘You should totally stay. But you don’t have to, okay? Completely up to you!’”

In this conversation, Freddy tentatively asks Laura if she wants her to stay the night at her house, seeking affirmation and closeness in their relationship. Laura’s initial response, “Sure! I think everyone’s going to stay,” suggests a casual, noncommittal attitude toward Freddy’s request. Freddy’s muted “...Cool” indicates a sense of disappointment or unease with Laura’s lack of enthusiasm. Laura’s subsequent statements further emphasize her ambivalence toward Freddy’s presence. This exchange highlights the imbalance in their relationship, with Freddy craving intimacy and validation, while Laura remains emotionally distant and indifferent.

“Anyway, just wanted you to know that everything is fine with this particular lesbian at the moment. Maybe things are better than fine. Maybe I’m helping break new lesbian ground, leading the revolution for new, free love.”

In this passage, Freddy attempts to convince herself and Anna Vice that her relationship with Laura is not only fine but groundbreaking. Her statement, “Maybe I’m helping break new lesbian ground, leading the revolution for new, free love,” suggests a desire to reframe her tumultuous relationship as a progressive, boundary-pushing endeavor. However, the tone of her words comes across as self-delusional and overly optimistic, hinting at her underlying doubts and insecurities. This showcases Freddy’s struggle to reconcile her idealized view of the relationship with the reality of its dysfunction, as she grasps for a sense of purpose and significance in her connection with Laura.

“‘So she invited me. To this thing. You should come.’

‘Mm.’

‘You can be my wingman.’

‘Did you invite Laura Dean?’

‘No. I mean, I texted her but I wasn’t thinking. She probably won’t come. Right?’

‘Okay.’”

This conversation between Freddy and Doodle reveals the growing tension in their friendship due to Freddy’s preoccupation with Laura. When Freddy invites Doodle to accompany her to an event, Doodle’s noncommittal “Mm” suggests a lack of enthusiasm and a sense of distance between the two friends. Freddy’s attempt to enlist Doodle as her “wingman” further emphasizes her focus on pursuing romantic interests, rather than nurturing their friendship. Doodle’s pointed question, “Did you invite Laura Dean?” highlights her awareness of Freddy’s fixation on Laura and the strain it places on their friendship. Freddy’s response, admitting that she texted Laura without thinking and assuming she won’t come, underscores her preoccupation with Laura and her neglect of Doodle’s feelings. Doodle’s curt “Okay” at the end of the exchange conveys a sense of resignation and hurt, as she recognizes Freddy’s prioritization of her relationship with Laura over their friendship.

“‘Oh yes. Hello. How is your dance?’

‘It’s fine now.’

[Snorts] ‘Well, I will take my leave, then.’”

In this brief interaction between Freddy and the Seek-Her, the Seek-Her inquires about Freddy’s “dance,” a metaphor for her relationship with Laura. Freddy’s response, “It’s fine now,” suggests a superficial or self-deceptive assessment of her situation as she attempts to convince herself and others that the relationship has improved. The Seek-Her’s snort and sarcastic remark, “Well, I will take my leave, then,” implies a sense of disbelief and skepticism toward Freddy’s claim. This exchange highlights the Seek-Her’s role as a perceptive and somewhat cynical observer of Freddy’s journey, as she recognizes the underlying issues in Freddy’s relationship that Freddy herself may be unwilling to acknowledge.

“Do you want to break up with me?”

This question, posed by Laura to Freddy, marks a pivotal moment in their relationship. The panels spanning Pages 196-198 depict Freddy’s silence and Laura’s subsequent monologue, in which she asserts that they will always find their way back to each other, regardless of any obstacles or transgressions. Freddy’s lack of response and the novel’s focus on her closed eyes and absent mouth emphasize her passivity and lack of agency in the relationship. Laura’s domineering presence and her insistence on the inevitability of their connection underscore the unhealthy power dynamics between them. This scene illustrates Freddy’s struggle with Discovering Agency and Self-Responsibility as she is swayed by Laura’s manipulative words and her own desire for the relationship to work, despite the evident problems.

“His name is Peter. He’s married. We used a condom. It broke. I missed my period. We bought a test…I bought a test. The tests are really good these days.”

In this passage, Doodle reveals the details of her pregnancy to Freddy. The juxtaposition of the speech balloons and images creates a haunting effect, as Doodle’s matter-of-fact statements are overlaid on various objects that hold personal significance. Each item—a picture frame showing Doodle as a baby, keys, a toy keychain, a tarot deck with The Tower card facing up, books, and a unicorn statue—represents a different aspect of Doodle’s life and identity. The contrast between the innocent, childlike objects and the gravity of Doodle’s situation emphasizes the shocking nature of her revelation. The Tower card, in particular, symbolizes upheaval, destruction, and the collapse of old structures, suggesting that Doodle is moving through a significant and transformative experience. The sparse, fragmented nature of Doodle’s speech also reflects her emotional state as she grapples with the weight of her circumstances. Overall, while Doodle dealing with an adult situation in this scene, the items depicted are reminders that Doodle is still ultimately a child. Regardless of her earlier justifications that age is a construct and that the age of consent is therefore meaningless, there is an obvious power imbalance between Doodle, a teenager, and Peter, who is an adult, married man.

“You are a terrible friend.”

This blunt statement from Doodle to Freddy marks a turning point in their friendship. Doodle’s accusation comes in response to Freddy’s initial shock and judgment upon learning of Doodle’s pregnancy. The simplicity and directness of the line, delivered without any visual embellishment, underscores the raw honesty of Doodle’s feelings and the depth of her hurt. It serves as a wake-up call for Freddy, forcing her to confront the ways in which she has neglected and failed Doodle as a friend. This moment highlights the importance of empathy, understanding, and unconditional support in friendships, especially during times of crisis. It also prompts Freddy to reflect on her own shortcomings and the need to prioritize her relationships with greater care and attention.

“‘What’s the emergency?’

‘Um, it’s my birthday and I wanted to see my girlfriend?’

‘What? I told you I couldn’t come. You said it was ok—’

‘But here you are, so obviously whatever you have to do isn’t that important.’”

This exchange between Freddy and Laura exemplifies the manipulative and self-centered nature of Laura’s attitude toward Freddy. Laura’s fabricated “emergency” reveals her disregard for Freddy’s boundaries and commitments, as she prioritizes her own desires over Freddy’s well-being. Freddy’s confused and frustrated response, reminding Laura that she had clearly communicated her inability to attend, highlights the lack of respect and consideration in their dynamic. Laura’s dismissive attitude, suggesting that Freddy’s plans are unimportant, underscores her narcissistic tendencies and her willingness to gaslight Freddy into doubting her own judgment. This scene serves as a stark illustration of the toxic patterns in their relationship and the emotional toll it takes on Freddy, as she is constantly forced to navigate Laura’s manipulative behavior and disregard for her autonomy.

“Did you just call me over here because you were alone for five minutes?”

This line, spoken by Freddy to Laura, encapsulates the realization that dawns on Freddy as she grasps the true nature of Laura’s “emergency.” The question, tinged with incredulity and frustration, highlights the absurdity of Laura’s actions and the depth of her emotional immaturity. It underscores Laura’s inability to tolerate even brief moments of solitude and her reliance on Freddy to constantly validate and entertain her. Freddy’s words also reveal her growing awareness of the one-sided nature of their relationship as she recognizes that Laura’s needs consistently take precedence over her own. This moment marks a significant shift in Freddy’s perspective; she begins to see past the facade of their romance and confront the reality of Laura’s selfish and manipulative behavior. It is a turning point that sets the stage for Freddy’s eventual decision to break free from the toxic cycle of their relationship and prioritize her own well-being.

“No matter what form those relationships take (and if polyamory is your wish, I am not one to stand in your way), the decisions you make must be yours. If Laura Dean keeps breaking up with you, what are you doing? What do you want to do?”

In this passage, Anna Vice offers Freddy crucial advice that encourages her to take responsibility for her own life and relationships. By emphasizing that the decisions must be Freddy’s, regardless of the form her relationships take, Anna empowers Freddy to assert her autonomy and prioritize her own needs and desires. The parenthetical statement about polyamory acknowledges the validity of diverse relationship structures, while also affirming that the choice ultimately lies with Freddy. The pointed questions, “If Laura Dean keeps breaking up with you, what are you doing? What do you want to do?” prompt Freddy to critically examine her actions and motivations, challenging her to confront the cyclical nature of her relationship with Laura and consider what she truly wants for herself. This advice serves as a catalyst for Freddy’s personal growth and self-discovery as she learns to trust her own instincts, set boundaries, and make choices that align with her values and well-being. It is a powerful reminder that Freddy holds the power to shape her own life and that she must take responsibility for her decisions, rather than allowing others to dictate her path.

“Don’t be mad.”

Freddy's use of the phrase “Don't be mad” serves as a powerful role reversal and a demonstration of her newfound agency and self-assertion. By echoing Laura’s earlier dismissive text, Freddy subverts the power dynamic that had previously defined their relationship, reclaiming control over her own emotional well-being. This simple yet poignant callback highlights Freddy’s growth and the significance of her decision to break free from the toxic cycle of her relationship with Laura, marking a pivotal moment in her journey of self-discovery and empowerment.

“Things I am choosing to be. Like a good date. A better friend. All things that are something other than the ex-girlfriend of Laura Dean.”

In this final email to Anna Vice, Freddy reflects on her personal growth and the new identity she has forged for herself, independent of her past relationship with Laura. Her words appear over images of Freddy enjoying prom with her friends, which serves to underscore the significance of her transformation as she embraces her role as a supportive friend and a confident individual. Freddy’s use of the word “choosing” emphasizes her newfound sense of agency and self-determination as she actively defines herself by her positive qualities and relationships rather than by her past experiences.