Shred Sisters

Throughout these chapters, Amy seeks to understand herself with more certainty, as is common to the coming-of-age novel, developing the theme of The Need for Authenticity in Understanding the Self. Her failure to secure funding for her graduate research is a turning point in her character arc. Amy has defined herself largely by her intelligence and academic success, so the rejection comes as a blow not only to her career prospects but also to her sense of self, causing her to languish in embarrassment and wallow in self-loathing: She thinks, “Maybe Ollie was right […] I was nothing more than a grind, with no flare, no originality” (101). Ironically, even though Amy is “[i]n every way the opposite” of Ollie (101), she still views herself through her sister’s eyes, reinforcing the portrayal of Sisters as Opposites and Mirror Images. Ollie occupies an outsized presence in not only her family’s life but also her sister’s perspective, reflecting her role as the older sister and thus the default mentor and trailblazer.

However, as Amy’s trajectory develops, she begins the attempt to detach herself from her sister. For example, she tells Josh’s parents that she has no siblings. Even though she feels guilty, “half expect[ing] Ollie to jump out from behind the couch” (110), she does not correct the lie. Later, after Ollie absconds with her father’s investment, Amy notes that her initial obsession with seeing Ollie everywhere fades, and now “days would go by without [Amy] thinking of her at all” (122). Nevertheless, this dissociation from her sister does not necessarily lead to an epiphany about her own sense of self: She still searches for something to anchor her.

Amy’s family provides little emotional support in her endeavors (though they provide plenty of financial assistance). Dad is wholly complicit in Ollie’s exploits, rescuing her time and time again and setting her up in the Rocks, where there are “no rules, no restrictions” (94)—and thus no accountability. He does not even want to cancel the credit card that Ollie has stolen, arguing that she may need the money: “By then I knew that cutting Ollie off was like cutting off his own supply of oxygen” (95). Dad is determined to save her, but the fact that he does not fully recognize Ollie’s undiagnosed and currently untreated mental illness makes this essentially impossible. Even after all the evidence of Ollie’s unreliability, both Mom and Dad fully support her plans to open her own business. When that, too, ends in disappointment and deceit, Amy is simultaneously angry at her parents for being so easily conned and deeply saddened by their pain. The ongoing ripple effects of Ollie’s mental illness and her parents’ denial of it continue to develop the theme of Familial Trauma and the Power of Forgiveness.

Amid her parents’ preoccupation with Ollie, Amy herself becomes ever more isolated and suspicious of others while, at the same time, attaching herself to people who exhibit behavioral patterns similar to Ollie. Kira, her friend from the graduate program, engages in sex in self-destructive ways, just as Ollie does—as Dad mentions, “Olivia made her way mostly via men, some married, some not, drawn by her beauty” (95). Josh, Amy’s first lover, expresses delusions of grandeur (he imagines he is Marlon Brando) and has a difficult time holding down a job or adhering to social norms—much like Ollie. Amy is thus simultaneously drawn toward and suspicious of him. When Josh originally tries to initiate sex with her, she reacts with coldness: “I was suddenly flooded with the suspicion that Josh had never gone to Columbia […] He was what my father would have called a freeloader” (107). While Amy reconciles with Josh and ultimately has sex with him, the relationship ends disastrously, her suspicions borne out when it emerges that Josh has largely been using her. 

Amy’s difficulty with intimacy, stemming from difficult family dynamics, thus continues to trouble her. In particular, Amy approaches sexual encounters with anxiety and fear. While this is partly a response to Ollie’s behavior, against which Amy tries to define herself, it is also related to the sexual assault she experienced while young—an event that occurred right after she learned of her father’s affair and thus further intertwined sex and trauma. Her research subject, investigating the freeze response in animals, reflects her own reaction to this and other trauma: Amy herself often freezes up when approached or thrust into the spotlight. 

However, as she begins to find her way as an adult, separate from Ollie and her family, she begins to explore new options. By the end of this section, she embarks upon a new career and sets up “a second date with Marc” (132), the hard-working lawyer. She is working hard to establish her own path.