Starfish

(This section summarizes Poem 41: “Tug-of-War,” Poem 42: “Take Two,” Poem 43: “Doggone Good Trick,” Poem 44: “The Question,” Poem 45: “Adjectives and Nouns,” Poem 46: “Diets, Tried and Lost,” Poem 47: “Art Lessons,” Poem 48: “Big Ol’ Fat Thing,” and Poem 49: “What I Carry.”)

Dr. Wood brings her dog to Ellie’s next session and connects with her over their mutual love of dogs (as the latter owns a dog named Gigi). Ellie decides she can trust Dr. Wood after noticing a picture of her with friends of all sizes, accepting the therapist’s help in coping with her emotions. At school, Ellie notices her bully Enemy Number 3 trip over a broken shoe sole. Self-conscious, he quickly looks around and notices Ellie watching; when he does, he snarls an insult at her.

Ellie considers the impact her mother’s words have had on her: Mom treats “fat” as a noun that defines her, rather than a simple adjective. She recalls a particularly painful memory in which Mom referred to a fat person in a movie as a “big ol’ fat thing.” In that moment, Ellie realized that this must be how Mom sees her too. Dr. Wood encourages Ellie to draw others’ hurtful words, helping her understand that expressing them will help her release the pain they cause her.

(This section summarizes Poem 50: “Sick and Tired,” Poem 51: “The Invite,” Poem 52: “Just as I Am,” Poem 53: “Food Chain,” Poem 54: “Alien Encounter,” and Poem 55: “Shattering Stereotypes.”)

Catalina invites Ellie to get frozen custard with her family. Catalina’s family is warm and unconditionally accepting of Ellie, a stark contrast to Ellie’s home life. At the restaurant, both Ellie and Catalina face prejudice from strangers. A fat woman remarks on Ellie’s weight, and Ellie reflects on how there is a “food chain” wherein fat people insult other fat people so they can feel better about themselves. Other people at the restaurant treat Catalina’s family with hostility because they are Mexican. Both Ellie and Catalina experience stereotyping; Ellie reflects on the injustice of this and how stereotypes don’t define individuals.

(This section summarizes Poem 56: “Let It Rip,” Poem 57: “Sibling Bribery,” Poem 58: “Texas Twister,” Poem 59: “Busted,” Poem 60: “Fix Mom’s Thinking,” Poem 61: “Missing Viv,” and Poem 62: “Let There Be Light—Sabers.”)

When bullies Marissa and Kortnee intentionally tear Ellie’s new shirt during gym class, she stands up for herself by insulting them in return. However, her actions leave her feeling miserable. Dr. Wood teaches Ellie that the reason for her regret is because she defended herself by attacking Marissa and Kortnee, and that there are other ways to defend one’s self. Ellie’s older brother Liam bribes her to take the public bus home so he can meet up with friends instead of driving her. Strangers on the bus pinch Ellie and comment on her body, while a tornado forms outside. Luckily, Ellie runs into Catalina and her siblings, who see her to safety. After Ellie tells Catalina that Mom thinks there’s something wrong with her, Catalina suggests that perhaps the problem is Mom’s thinking.

(This section summarizes Poem 63: “Technology Tricks,” Poem 64: “Choosing Sides,” Poem 65: “Where Hate Comes From,” and Poem 66: “A Comet’s Tale.”)

Ellie’s friend Viv reports over video chat that she has been thriving at her new school; she is now the school mascot, and feels her larger size fits the part of a dancing comet. Ellie is happy for Viv, but also jealous that she found a way to celebrate her size while she herself still struggles to accept her body. While Ellie is out at dinner with her family, a young boy and his father rudely tell Ellie “[Y]ou’re fat” (95). Dad demands an apology from them, but Mom says that the family (her pride) has been “humiliated” (96) enough and she rushes them out. Ellie reflects on how Mom always decides what she gets—whether it be food or respect.

(This section summarizes Poem 67: “Liam’s Wish,” Poem 68: “Worse than Pee on Carpet,” Poem 69: “Shabbat,” Poem 70: “Whaling Season,” and Poem 71: “Comforter.”)

Ellie accidentally finds Liam’s journal and reads hurtful entries about how much he hates having a fat sister. She burns the pages from Liam’s journal in the backyard, releasing the anger and resentment she harbors for him as she does. During their weekly Shabbat, Mom recites the traditional prayer for fortune, kindness, and peace from God over Ellie, but Ellie wishes she could receive these things from Mom instead. Ellie selects a book about a misunderstood whale for a school project. When bully Marissa mocks Ellie’s selection, Ellie’s English teacher reprimands Marissa, that if she bothered to learn more about whales, she’d know what unique creatures they are. Ellie’s English teacher praises a poem Ellie wrote for class and tells her that she is officially a poet.

(This section summarizes Poem 72: “Break Away,” Poem 73: “Say Cheese,” Poem 74: “Hard to Talk About,” Poem 75: “More Time,” Poem 76: “Dear Stranger,” and Poem 77: “Taking a Stand.”)

Dad surprises the family with a trip to Niagara Falls over Thanksgiving break. At the Falls, a group of tourists laugh at Ellie and take a photo of her without her permission. While processing this event with Dr. Wood, Ellie reacts with extreme emotion. Ellie writes an open letter to the girls from the Falls, expressing her humiliation and why it was wrong for them to behave as they did. This process encourages Ellie to begin sticking up for herself, and she confronts Enemy Number 3 about his behavior the next day at school. For Ellie, this is an act of “starfishing”—embracing her right to take up space.