The Custom of the Country

In The Custom of the Country, traditional gender norms affect both men and women. These norms are inherent in the very title of the novel. Wharton proposes that the “custom of the country” dictates that American men don’t discuss the reality of their financial stresses because they don’t respect their wives. This oppresses both men and women; men aren’t given the space to sort through their pressures, and women aren’t deemed smart enough to handle those pressures.

This dynamic is evident in Ralph and Undine’s marriage. Ralph completely buckles under the pressure of providing for Undine. His way of life is brought into scrutiny because he doesn’t work for a living and prefers to keep his expenses low. For Ralph, a life of humble travel and intellectual pursuits is happiness enough. However, in marriage to Undine, Ralph is forced to keep up with her extravagant material desires. Ralph bends over backward to make Undine happy. He takes up work he’s underprepared for and works so hard that he nearly dies of pneumonia. Ralph exemplifies an underappreciated man who has few avenues to deal with his stresses. Without someone to confide in, Ralph internalizes the perception of his weaknesses. Undine emasculates him constantly, pointing to other men who seem to have no trouble buying their wives expensive clothing and jewelry. Ralph even protects Undine’s honor in their divorce proceedings when he doesn’t besmirch her name by filing for sole custody of Paul. This ends up hurting him later, when Undine claims sole custody. In putting Undine’s reputation before his own, Ralph retains his status as a gentleman but ruins his mental and physical health.

Undine is, in her own way, also a victim of gender norms. As a woman, Undine must marry well to secure the well-being of her entire family. She’s expected to marry, represent both families through her beauty and role as a host, and become a mother. Undine has no other option besides marriage. She’s highly conscious of her beauty and her effect on men because society has taught her to value youth and beauty. Men often dismiss her as silly and uncultured, but Undine hasn’t been taught to value her intellect. Although Undine is a victim of these norms, she’s also a subversive female protagonist. She’s ruthlessly ambitious in ways that are more typical of male characters. She lacks empathy and sees others as props in her life. These less classically feminine qualities imply that Undine could have been more successful and better as a person in a different period—or as a man. The narrative describes her as imitative but independent, which implies that she’s good at learning how to be a woman from other women—but also that she doesn’t want to be beholden to other people. When Undine becomes pregnant, she’s devastated. She treats her son as an annoyance and even uses him as a pawn in her divorce with Ralph—she essentially tries to sell Paul to the Dagonets. This lack of maternal instinct is shocking but is also a criticism of Undine’s society. If Undine doesn’t want to be a mother and isn’t good at being one, then she shouldn’t have been a mother. However, in the early 20th century, the idea that a woman might not want to be a mother was perceived as unnatural. Thus, Undine is forced into a role she doesn’t want.

Ultimately, because Undine is so cruel, it’s difficult to feel sympathy for the female character in this novel. However, both men and women are victims of society’s stringently gendered expectations.