Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person

Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2015

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-4

Chapters 5-7

Chapters 8-10

Interlude-Chapter 15

Key Figures

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

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Themes

Confronting and Overcoming Fears

In order to follow through on her commitment to saying “yes” to the opportunities that come her way, Rhimes must first identify the fears that prevent her from saying yes in the first place, then discover ways to combat these fears. As she examines the factors that hold her back in each particular situation, she identifies a number of worries and concerns. Many are rooted in the perception that others will judge her harshly, think less of her, or view her as incompetent. These worries about other people impact Rhimes in both her professional relationships and her personal ones. Rhimes has found ways of coping with her fears that involve avoiding them: For example, she becomes anxious and experiences physical symptoms of panic when she imagines herself saying “yes” to a public speaking engagement. She fears that she may embarrass herself and that these actions will never be forgotten by her audience. At its heart, this and other fears are rooted in a lack of self-confidence and an unwillingness to step outside of her comfort zone and risk the worst-case scenario coming true. By avoiding parties, events, and other activities, Rhimes retreats to her home and inside of herself, feeling safe and protected. But as she admits that this state is not truly comfortable because it fuels her unhappiness, she decides to confront her fears. This process reflects not only a personal transformation but also a universal challenge of self-confrontation. Rhimes positions fear as a form of internalized limitation—a barrier not imposed by external forces, but by the self’s own habits of avoidance. In doing so, she reframes courage not as fearlessness, but as deliberate action in spite of fear.

The memoir argues that as Rhimes identifies and confronts each fear, it gradually loses its power over her. She finds ways to make public speaking much more comfortable and even enjoyable by shifting her focus away from the potential judgment and criticism that may follow to uncovering ways that she can benefit her audience with her words. As she engages in public speaking (as well as other practices she has made a habit of saying “no” to), it becomes less scary for her, until, at last, it becomes something Rhimes finds happiness in.

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In many cases, the consequences or results she feared proved not nearly as terrible as she had anticipated. For instance, when Rhimes responds to an acquaintance’s request for a large sum of money by telling the person “no,” Rhimes’s worst fears come true: The acquaintance responds with anger. This response, however, is not difficult for Rhimes to face, to her surprise. Ironically, rather than feeling incapable, weak, and like a bad person, Rhimes experiences peace. This lesson complicates traditional ideas of strength: It is not about domination over others, but about cultivating self-respect and boundaries, even when that means risking rejection or disappointment. Thus, as she tackles each fear, her life is enriched for the better.

Societal Expectations Placed Upon Women

As Rhimes undertakes the Year of Yes, she gradually discovers what aspects of her life have caused her to be unhappy. One of the central forces she battles is the pressure to conform to societal expectations of women’s roles. Rhimes notes that as she excels in her career, she is frequently asked by media to assess the difficulties of succeeding in such a role as both a woman and an African American person. As this sort of double minority, Rhimes understands that success in the television industry—as in many industries—has been doubly challenging for such minorities. Often Rhimes is frustrated by what she regards as the media’s penchant for positioning her as a token representative of all women, especially all African American women. At the same time, these are aspects of Rhimes’s identity in which she takes pride, and she understands that, in her success, she is paving the way for future minorities to excel.

Yet Rhimes is frustrated by the pressure she feels to excel in all aspects of her life at once—professional and personal. She especially feels this pressure in regards to the work/life balance of maintaining a career and raising children. Repeatedly, she feels guilty when she chooses to devote time to one of these because, in Rhimes’s estimation, it feels as though doing so requires neglecting the other. She berates herself when attending a professional function means she must miss one of her children’s school activities or simply not be present at home for their daily routines. As the Year of Yes progresses, Rhimes finds herself forced to choose between work and children as she has before, but this time she shifts her paradigm about making this choice. Central to this is an awareness of a kind of double standard: Society does not place the same expectation on men to be present for their children in the way it does for women. Rhimes’s reflections highlight the intersection of gender roles and professional ambition, emphasizing how women in positions of power often face an impossible standard. Her work critiques the myth of “having it all,” suggesting instead that fulfillment comes from conscious prioritization and rejecting external guilt.

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Rhimes arrives at the contention that women should not be shamed—or shame themselves—for enlisting help. Leading a successful career and heading a family cannot be mastered single-handedly and, she can and should feel free to prioritize a single aspect of her life over other aspects. Saying “yes” to playing with her children at times means saying “no” to arriving at a work event on time. This reframing transforms “yes” into a feminist practice of reclaiming autonomy—it becomes less about constant availability to others and more about aligning with one’s true values, even when they challenge cultural scripts about womanhood or motherhood. But this balance ultimately brings Rhimes a sense of peace and true happiness.

The Challenge of Instituting Life Changes

When the idea for the Year of Yes strikes Rhimes and she anticipates putting her new commitment into action, she immediately experiences physical and mental symptoms of stress and anxiety. She is deciding to force herself to enter situations—such as public-speaking engagements—that she finds uncomfortable and further anxiety-inducing. It is much easier and comfortable to continue to avoid situations like these. Turning down such invitations is the method Rhimes has relied upon to avoid the discomfort and panic that comes about by public engagements. As the memoir unfolds, Rhimes reveals other methods she has instituted to cope with stress and avoid discomfort: A key example is the way she covers up stress (often stress that ensues from her job) by overeating. This strategy has worked for Rhimes—allowing her to directly avoid the tension or issues she faces at work and instead numb herself to feeling. Because these practices have become engrained in her daily life and, most importantly, have become part of who Rhimes is, undoing them will be difficult. However, it is because she has admitted to herself that this lifestyle and these patterns have led to Rhimes’s unhappiness that she is willing to work at changing them. Rhimes seeks to convey that in order to make a “yes” truly happen, she needs to work at overcoming the fears and flaws that prevent her from saying “yes” in the first place. This theme expands into a broader commentary on personal accountability. Rhimes emphasizes that change is not a product of sudden inspiration alone but of daily discipline, vulnerability, and self-compassion. The real transformation occurs not in grand gestures but in the quiet, repeated choices that rewire a life.

What Rhimes discovers is that the key to making positive changes permanent parts of her lifestyle require finding a way to make them habits. For Rhimes, this means that she must be fully committed to a particular “yes” and never make exceptions as a way to back out of her commitment. By relying on her desire to always fulfill promises she has made to herself, Rhimes sticks to her “yes” plan, and the changes become habits. By forcing herself into this new routine—and out of her comfort zone—Rhimes uncovers a way to make these changes permanent. The small payoffs that she receives from each “yes” make subsequent moments of “yes” easier. Rhimes begin to witness that the hard work that accompanies these life changes is worth the effort in the long run, and this positive feedback loop helps motivate her to continue. Her story ultimately suggests that joy is not a passive feeling but an active practice—cultivated through intentional living, sustained effort, and a willingness to rewrite one’s narrative. As the change becomes more comfortable and natural, Rhimes becomes happier. It is this happiness that she has been longing for.