54 pages • 1 hour read
You Go First
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Themes
The Impact of Family Dynamics on Young People
Both protagonists are managing shifting family dynamics in the novel: Charlotte’s father is recovering in the hospital after a heart attack, and Ben’s parents are getting divorced. Both protagonists, neither of whom have siblings or many friends, have healthy dynamics with their parents, so when their comfortable situations change for the first time, they feel the effects deeply, struggling with disbelief, self-blame, guilt, sadness, anger, and other complicated emotions. At the same time, they can’t express their true feelings to their parents and try to distract themselves by playing online Scrabble or researching random topics online. They also exhibit uncharacteristic behaviors, such as skipping school or struggling to pay attention in class. Over the course of the novel, they learn to communicate more openly with their families rather than running from their feelings, and they learn that this is key to maintaining healthy family dynamics.
When both protagonists first learn of their new situations, their reaction is shock, and at first, they are stuck and unable to process their feelings. For example, Charlotte notes that “[her] feet had turned to stone. She couldn’t move. […] There was a weight on her chest that wouldn’t go away” (52). Charlotte’s physical symptoms mimic her father’s—a pressure on her heart—symbolizing how the news makes her feel like her life is in danger. She can’t express this or most of her other feelings; instead, she blurts out “I should have played more Scrabble” (53), an expression of remorse over not spending more time with her dad. She quickly resorts to guilt, considering what she could have done differently to mitigate the damage, but she expresses it in an inscrutable way, so the adults around her can’t reassure her that this isn’t the case. This leaves her stuck in her fear and grief for a large part of the novel. Similarly, when Ben hears his parents are getting divorced, he feels frozen: “The room swelled and swallowed him, all while he sat on his hands. He swayed in his seat. He wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly…it didn’t make any sense. Other parents got divorced. Not his” (13). Both children are so shocked by shifting family dynamics that they experience emotional vertigo and are unable to process their feelings, let alone express them to others.
Sensing the gravity of their situations, both kids create distractions as a coping strategy, though these quickly fail. Charlotte tries to focus on the upcoming starfish dissection instead of her dad’s condition, but this quickly deepens her anxiety: “[A]n image sprang into her head and she couldn’t shake it out: the starfish, a scalpel, and her hand on both. And then the starfish was gone and it was her father instead” (18-19). Charlotte cannot run away from her problems. Even when she daydreams about distractions, her real problems creep in and take over the scene, illustrating how they will remain there until she addresses them. Similarly, Ben is unable to comprehend that his parents are getting divorced, so he claims not to have any questions about it and instead tells his parents his own news—that he is in first place in online Scrabble. Ben also decides to run for student council so that he can “evolve” instead of “devolving” like his parents, but distracting himself with self-improvement” doesn’t help him cope. He locks his parents out of his room and refuses to talk to them to maintain “stasis,” and Charlotte refuses to visit her father in the hospital; this evasive behavior allows both kids’ emotions to build up until they reach a breaking point and must address their problems head-on.
Once the children confront their problems and begin to communicate openly, they start making progress toward healing. After Charlotte skips school to visit the art museum and witnesses how distraught her mother is, she finally visits her father in the hospital and notices that he isn’t as sick as she thought. This helps Charlotte realize that although he had a heart attack, he’s still there for her, and she should be there for him instead of creating distance. After Ben is bullied aggressively during his student council speech and wets his pants, he finally talks to his dad and helps him move into a new apartment, where he’s pleasantly surprised by his new bedroom and solidifies his budding friendship with Wyatt. Both kids must still face their shifting family dynamics, but when they do, they realize their situations are not as bad as they thought and even have silver linings. Although life will be different for both kids going forward, shunning their families made things worse. Embracing change may be difficult, but it isn’t the end of the world.
The Challenges of Navigating Friendship and Bullying in Middle School
While Charlotte and Ben’s family dynamics are shifting significantly, both protagonists must also navigate the complex social scene of middle school. They struggle to make and maintain friendships, so they are isolated at school. While Charlotte has one friend with whom she’s drifting apart, Ben has no friends left because he no longer sees his “sort-of friends,” Kyle and Adam, from elementary school. Both characters are intelligent and have unconventional interests and quirks, so they’re both targeted by bullies who make their everyday existence difficult to manage. Both protagonists find a long-distance lifeline and friend in each other, but they’re hesitant to share the truth about their experiences and feelings. Despite these challenges, both protagonists make a new friend by the end of the novel. This suggests that while middle-school social dynamics are confusing and unfair, safe havens exist, and it’s still possible for kind, unique, and intelligent kids to make friends and exercise resilience in the face of exclusion.
The children’s loneliness is exacerbated when both protagonists’ family dynamics quickly shift. When Ben’s parents announce their divorce, Ben feels like they’re abandoning him as a family, and he wants to reach out to a friend for support. He realizes in this instant that he doesn’t have any friends he can call, so he calls Lottie for the first time, though he can’t tell her what’s wrong. In Charlotte’s case, her best friend starts pulling away from her and calls her a “parasite” behind her back while her father is recovering from a heart attack in the hospital. As Bridget remarks, “Sitting alone at lunch is a fate worse than death!” (86), and both kids feel their lack of friendships most acutely in the cafeteria, where they are alone at best and bullied at worst. Many of the most antagonistic interactions happen in the cafeteria, from Ben being called a loser and getting ketchup smeared on his shirt to Charlotte tripping and being told no one likes her. As such, the cafeteria is a microcosm for the middle-school experience, a chaotic place filled with peers where one can nonetheless be singled out and alienated.
The novel shows the emotional wreckage that can result from bullying but suggests that resilience can help combat the pain. As Ben writes his campaign speech, he remarks that “Each time he finished a sentence, he heard Theo’s voice…and saw Sherry Bertrand’s face…But he would not be defeated” (161). Even though Ben becomes temporarily unresponsive after Theo and his friends throw firecrackers at him during the speech, he bounces back and befriends Wyatt, subverting the bullies by refusing to be broken or discouraged. Charlotte is made fun of for having a pet rock, tripping over her fashionable shoelaces, and other minor reasons, and she reflects that “[m]iddle school seemed like an endless aching game where everyone knew the rules but her” (140). Ultimately, instead of chasing old friends who are no longer interested in them, both protagonists make new friends who are just as smart, strange, and unconventional as they are. Instead of trying to understand the social scene’s illogical rules, Charlotte befriends Magda, who is also bullied for being “weird.” Ben befriends Wyatt, a highly logical kid who spends lunch in the admissions office due to his food allergies. These friendships are mutually beneficial because Magda and Wyatt share interests with Charlotte and Ben, and they also share their core trait of kindness. The novel shows how painful bullying is, but it also suggests that staying true to one’s self can be healing for those who have experienced bullying and crave true friendship rather than false acceptance based on conformity.
The Role of Online Games and Communication in Forming Connections
Although online and long-distance friendships are different from in-person friendships, You Go First suggests that friendships made through online games or chat rooms can be valuable and essential lifelines that help people through tough times. This is especially true for younger generations who have grown up with technology as an integral part of their lives. Naysayers may insist that online friendships are lacking or that they’re not as important or “real” as in-person friendships, but You Go First offers a counterpoint. Charlotte and Ben’s friendship is healthier, more productive, and more “real” than any of their other friendships until the end of the novel. Even though they don’t tell each other about their biggest problems, they still genuinely like each other and take comfort in the fact that they have someone to talk to who shares their interests and cares about their well-being. Furthermore, both protagonists gain confidence through their long-distance friendship with each other, making it easier to eventually forge in-person friendships. Thus, online games and communication help the protagonists form connections with each other and others.
The mere fact that someone wants to talk to them and cares about them gives both Charlotte and Ben self-confidence, reassurance, and a sense of belonging, helping to combat their loneliness. When Charlotte feels abandoned and bullied by Bridget and unable to articulate her complex feelings about her dad’s illness to her mom, she’s delighted when Ben plays a word in their online Scrabble game because “[a]t least there was something she could still count on” (157). Scrabble may not seem very important, but after years of playing it to connect with her dad, the game is quite meaningful for Charlotte, and the words the kids play often resonate with what’s happening in their lives. Thus, the game is a form of connection and communication, even though it’s not a regular conversation. After speaking to Charlotte about random topics like student council and starfish dissection, Ben reflects, “Now I have someone to call when I win the lottery” (33). Even though Ben doesn’t tell Charlotte that his parents are getting divorced, he still calls her upon finding out, and their conversation still comforts him and lets him know that someone is there for him.
Charlotte and Ben have a lot in common, which strengthens their connection and friendship although they don’t meet in person. Online games and communication methods can connect people who live far away but share similar, unconventional interests. Charlotte and Ben also have compatible personalities and get along well, unlike their relationships with other kids at their respective schools. When Charlotte makes word scrambles on the phone, which is something her classmates think is weird and off-putting, “Ben [is] overwhelmed with an aching wish. […] I wish Lottie Lock went to my school so I’d have someone to sit with at lunch” (117). Although the two kids never meet in real life, their friendship gives them both the courage, hope, and knowledge to cultivate other relationships in real life. Both protagonists pursue friendships with kids who share their traits and interests rather than chasing old friends with whom they have little in common. By interacting with each other online and over the phone, Charlotte and Ben both learn more about what friendship truly means and what they’re looking for in an in-person best friend.
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